tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82085440859219096072024-02-06T18:40:12.583-08:00ExpressiveKimExpressive Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15054608074184257084noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8208544085921909607.post-33110138997246406022017-03-18T09:51:00.000-07:002017-03-19T17:09:51.533-07:00I am an Extrovert, and I am Depressed<div class="p1" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: small;">I'm the type of person who likes to seem like they have their shit together. I understand on a conceptual level that my happiness matters more than the opinion of others, but I secretly get a smug sense of satisfaction when my external appearance and personality makes it seem like I have my life together more than everyone else. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: small;">The last time I went to the airport, I spent more time thinking about how I could fabulously get through security with an air of grace and style than I did actually packing to leave. I didn't care that I hadn't slept in almost 48 hours, that I should be excited about returning home to see my family but was instead feeling scared and frustrated. All I cared about was turning heads with an awe of "that girl looks flawless in an airport, her life must be so together." </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: small;">The truth is, I don't have my life together- at all. But the truth is also that it's all too easy to make it seem like I do. And the validation I feel when another person compliments how amazing my life seems always keeps me from spilling the truth. F</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: small;">or my friends living in the states, my life seems like the coolest adventure ever. I live across the ocean in a huge metropolitan city, I go to exclusive events with pretty people, I'm constantly seemingly doing something cool that's helping my career or my status in life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: small;">And for my friends here in London, it's all too easy to look in my closet and pick out an outfit that's appropriate instead of the trashy jumper I'd rather be wearing. It's part of my day to put on makeup to cover the bags under my eyes, to put my hair up in a cute twist so you can't see that it hasn't been washed in almost a week. It's all too easy to make myself so unbelievably busy that it looks like I'm doing great - I'm happy and involved and engaged with the world. Constantly ignoring that there's a point where being busy is an avoidance mechanism. You can't be depressed if you don't have time to think about being depressed. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: small;">And my personality doesn't help either. I'm an extrovert in the worst way possible. I can hide my depression with my confidence when I speak to others. Hide my exhaustion with my boisterous voice when I'm networking in a room full of people. My personality tells me that the more I fake it till I make it, the happier I'll be when I come out on the other side. I'm constantly telling myself that my depression is fleeting. If I go to one more event, pretend for one more day, maybe tomorrow is the day I'm not pretending anymore. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: small;">And this is not to worry you, this isn't a call for help, I'm aware of my mental health issues and I'm handling them privately. This isn't about social media, this isn't another millennial complaining about society, this isn't about making the world feel #relatable and creating a false sense of togetherness. But this is about the realities we create for ourselves. </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: small;">You never really know what's going through a person's mind. You're never going to feel the way they see the world, you're never going to truly understand someone's demons. But what can we do? We can empathise. We can stop judging. We can stop putting people on pedestals.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: small;">Try to keep in mind, extroverts can have depression too. And in my experience, my personality has made it so much easier to hide it. Mental health takes so many different forms, and we have to remember that what's on the surface is almost never what's going on behind the scenes. We have to forgive ourselves and accept that we will never live up to those surface level expectations we place on ourselves. But we must also try to see each other past the facade we wear to mask our demons.</span></div>
Expressive Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15054608074184257084noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8208544085921909607.post-67334555975320198492017-02-05T10:03:00.000-08:002017-02-05T10:03:41.609-08:00Thoughts From a Museum<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhQOd6vsH98nl7etk-nR-jy5t1t_SSq_jYd0Co8sEUYp6Mx7-RKzqNNzZYGuZGsXGLX0sQ39aBsZJAp3cE7HyA5DlcrCySbP-Gp2J5nowJAxkyMw4dmRbUD_s9-9jzZhyphenhyphencFDAA4-BA1Ooc/s1600/revolution.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhQOd6vsH98nl7etk-nR-jy5t1t_SSq_jYd0Co8sEUYp6Mx7-RKzqNNzZYGuZGsXGLX0sQ39aBsZJAp3cE7HyA5DlcrCySbP-Gp2J5nowJAxkyMw4dmRbUD_s9-9jzZhyphenhyphencFDAA4-BA1Ooc/s200/revolution.jpg" width="155" /></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I just attended an exhibit at the V&A Museum entitled "You Say You Want A Revolution". I spent three hours walking through 1966-1970, listening to music and the voices of those revolutionaries who saw injustice and stood against it, whether it was through protest or art. With that era, we saw the rise of movements which are still alive and pushing for change today- the multicultural movement, feminism, LGBT liberation. In walking through the exhibit it is impossible not to notice the similarity between that time and now, not only for the movements which it created but the dissonance which is growing around the world.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I recently saw on the news that Donald Trump and his compatriots were complaining about a protest at UC Berkeley. However universities, even specifically UC Berkeley, have been an integral and long-standing part of revolutionist ideals- this is not a new concept. Young people are the backbone of revolution in this country- the most passionate,<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
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forward thinking, refusal to take shit from a government who never cared, type of people. To imply that they should cease their protests at the anger of a man who represents everything they stand against is laughable. In the exhibit, there was a whole room devoted to university students fighting The Establishment. Not only those at Berkeley but those at Columbia who locked themselves inside university buildings in protest while teachers threatened to resign if the police tried to invade. Those at </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Kent, Ohio who were </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif;">killed while peacefully </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif;">protesting on campus. Universities have always been a place where political activism thrives, and I don't expect that to change in the near future, nor should it. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif;">Universities encourage the exchange of ideas, the practice of critical thinking, and it is the first time many people experience the world outside of their comfortable bubble. </span><br />
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Universities have for decades been an integral part of meeting and organising not just for students but for communities as a whole. I find it frightening the idea that Universities should be at the whim of governmental agencies attempting to discourage students from questioning the world around them. Regardless of these attempts, I don't believe it will work (unless the goal is to make University students angrier and more passionate).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">While inside the exhibit I was struck when I remembered people I constantly see criticising musicians, artists, filmmakers, and writers for "being political". They claim they just want their entertainment "without all the political crap". But that's the thing- these forms of communication have always been political. The songs we love, the movies we watch, the books we read. They change us, they make us think- whether we want to or not. The music festivals you attend today like Burning Man or Glastonbury, have significant ties to the political activism of the 60's, something we can't ignore or force away. You cannot enjoy a song by the Beatles and say you don't want your entertainment to be political, it's a hypocrisy which shows the world that you would rather not think, but live in ignorance to the reality around you. For generations, entertainment has been a driving force for awareness and change, and it's not something we should ignore or push down for our own convenience. </span></div>
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Politics and the arts have always been linked</div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The saying "history repeats itself" has always seemed so trite to me, but once you have an understanding of history, you start to realise it's not that history is doomed to cycle itself forever, but that people and society are simultaneously never changing and always changing. We repeat ourselves, take 10 steps back before we can take 3 steps forward. While we may have new technology and new fads, the issues and arguments which plague our society has not changed all that much for centuries. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br />What we are seeing today has been coming for decades. It's the culmination of thoughts and movements, of the pull between freedom and power. It's not a new concept, it is one which is traced throughout history over and over again in different times, different places, different styles. This won't be the last time the constant tension between people in our world comes to a fight, as it certainly is not the first. A revolution is coming, the proverbial writing is on the wall. And while I fear what that may mean, I take solace in the notion that we are entering an age of creativity and innovation. An era where new ideologies can take flight and change the world. I know many people are fearful that we won't win this fight. I realise that it will be difficult, however, the past few weeks alone we have proven that we do not stand alone, but next to millions who are also ready for change.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Someday it will be our story in the museum exhibition, and I hope we give them something inspiring to write about.</span></div>
Expressive Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15054608074184257084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8208544085921909607.post-67124490009099495332017-01-26T15:03:00.000-08:002017-01-26T15:03:37.046-08:00New Year, Not a New Me?<div style="text-align: center;">
I'll admit it, I'm one of <i>those </i>people. You know the ones. The people who always make New Year's resolutions and then proceed to break them and forget all about them until December 31st rolls around and they throw it back on the list because they didn't get around to doing it this year. Yeah, that's me. I will say, I did actually make a video for the New Year last year, in which I asked questions to my future self (feel free to watch it I'm actually really proud of it). I had planned on making a sappy sentimental video answering the questions and making new ones, but then I was just too tired and too depressed with 2016 so I ditched the entire idea and opted to stay in bed. </div>
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Does this mean that I was finally free from the New Year's resolution cycle? Can I now live my life free from the never ending disappointment of another failed resolution?</div>
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No, of course not. Instead, I have opted to set some slightly more reasonable goals for the year, one of them being 'continue setting goals'. What I mean by that is to stop trying to change my whole life all at once, to have these fantastic goals to integrate (and continually do) for my whole year, which just isn't realistic. Instead, I'm opting to make one of my resolutions to set goals each month, goals that are accomplishable within a month, and can help me work toward bigger goals. It's almost like I'm slowly figuring out how to be an independent adult (I hope this gives me some serious brownie points...and that I don't have to make the brownies....or do the brownie dishes).</div>
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I've also realised that it's not enough to set a goal and try to achieve that goal. I have tried and tried and tried again, and at some point, you will always fail. Something will inevitably happen that causes you to have setbacks in a goal you were shooting for, or to miss the goal entirely. And in the past, it always made me want to give up, it made me depressed and angry at myself. But as I move into 2017, I've decided for myself that there is too much hate in the world right now for me to add to it by hating myself. So, at the advice of a <a href="https://www.jessecalessmoothie.com/the-creative-muscle/2017/1/6/two-effective-ways-to-lose-50-lbs" target="_blank">beautifully written blog post </a>by Jesse Cale about weight loss, I've started to tell myself 'it's okay, I love you' every time I mess up or do something that's not helping toward my goals. </div>
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It's actually been quite liberating, and it's allowed me to recognise the accomplishments I have made and stop trying to mico-mange every aspect of my life to the extent that I stop enjoying living it. I've found that some days I have really high motivation while others it's hard to even get out of bed. It's been almost a month and I have a new appreciation for those days when I accomplish so much, and a new understanding with myself that it's okay on the days that I don't accomplish anything. </div>
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While I'm on the subject of failed resolutions, one that I have had for years is keeping up a daily planner. Something about the beautiful pages and all of your responsibilities spread out nice and neat in front of you in colourful pen has always appealed to me for some reason. And every year, inevitably, I buy a way too expensive daily planner convincing myself I will <i>actually </i>do it this year, I fill in the first three weeks, and then I don't find it again until July when I'm cleaning my closet. </div>
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And this year, was going to be no different. I marched to the Westfield right before Christmas, I walked into the fanciest Swedish print shop I've ever seen, and I bought the beautiful fancy daily planner. This year (I'm telling myself) is going to be different. You see, in past years I just left it up to my daily tasks, which arguably I didn't have stuff to do every day and forgot. This year, my daily planner is so much more, it is an amalgamation of all my thoughts, dreams, successes, failures, and goals. I am doubling my planner as a private diary as well, documenting each day of my 2017. </div>
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So far, I've filled in every day, and I've been excited to work on it and put it together. I hope I continue to document my year and work toward these hopefully more reasonable goals, but even if I don't it's okay; because there's too much hate already going around and I'm not going to add to it by hating myself any longer. </div>
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*We will not be talking about how procrasination has been on my resolution list for years and I am only just writing this almost a month into 2017. It's off the list because it's one of those 'unreasonable goals' I mentioned. </div>
Expressive Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15054608074184257084noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8208544085921909607.post-61787776812040132082017-01-21T17:26:00.000-08:002017-01-21T17:29:06.233-08:00Pictures of the Women's March: A Collection<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Yesterday I marched with an estimated 80,000 people in the Women's March London, joined by hundred's of thousands of others in 70 countries around the globe. I find something simultaneously calming and empowering about peacefully marching against racism, sexism, homophobia, inequality, and religious intolerance. This is a collection of my favourite pictures from around the globe from the protests, I hope you enjoy and are inspired as well. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My own photograph standing in Trafalgar Square 21 January 2017</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6S8D8cpG4N5Os035wRC6BHa1gST8W3saAoixxCmGW_TjSL-tOQmmMt7OggiYiJYRZWV2MgQBnUUt54iCprtiNHJsAu7fK8m1o1rL6ga4aWqiXPzDw2DMSu0bNutTRuS0Kcc_Am7oBlekJ/s1600/sub-buzz-27506-1485007867-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6S8D8cpG4N5Os035wRC6BHa1gST8W3saAoixxCmGW_TjSL-tOQmmMt7OggiYiJYRZWV2MgQBnUUt54iCprtiNHJsAu7fK8m1o1rL6ga4aWqiXPzDw2DMSu0bNutTRuS0Kcc_Am7oBlekJ/s640/sub-buzz-27506-1485007867-1.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My personal favourite sign I saw today. Photo Dan Kitwood / Getty Images</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMk-gACp5V2XonRtEZ63aTeZ2jy2qgfLe2b6hVSpRSCtnpTzYkc0JyHB1sBJ8Sz8m_mmKLL-DsnHSDHjj8CQ9pcCFgiDkQmuaLcqHgRQsDNpoMoKaQA7yaMuxcPsHzXkLvF_8wtnJdfazk/s1600/nashville1-1254.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMk-gACp5V2XonRtEZ63aTeZ2jy2qgfLe2b6hVSpRSCtnpTzYkc0JyHB1sBJ8Sz8m_mmKLL-DsnHSDHjj8CQ9pcCFgiDkQmuaLcqHgRQsDNpoMoKaQA7yaMuxcPsHzXkLvF_8wtnJdfazk/s640/nashville1-1254.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Proud to see this from my home state, Nashville TN. Photo Andrew Nelles/The Tennessean</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwH7RHKeB-KZ8mx3nVboTuETEeLU-fJCMkhgtpohkv8TNtEo6lsqaPJjL6sSXiN4EAwHua3lZIr-EDJaIbollQMZ5rvsPA1bqu_kHp_oN6ootLjbpjQDKE61-t8wJU4AaRZoX4z3IqbKqL/s1600/IMG_1834.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwH7RHKeB-KZ8mx3nVboTuETEeLU-fJCMkhgtpohkv8TNtEo6lsqaPJjL6sSXiN4EAwHua3lZIr-EDJaIbollQMZ5rvsPA1bqu_kHp_oN6ootLjbpjQDKE61-t8wJU4AaRZoX4z3IqbKqL/s640/IMG_1834.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Another beautiful shot from Tennessee. Photo T. Wilson. </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The amount of diversity and voices lifted up today is inspiring, change is for all. Source Unknown. </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCLLrDjENIQoXt0uL_O40a560GuT_gvFqiJ37V9Kd2JwoOn9ijv2uRTEDIoca0yKLtjeRCRxpEjVqe-z8icJ1VOjGKMOb6dZ09UhBbMqFsthYlCAQOCtME3sK5OnoPjgrur4eyJNOGXTyx/s1600/IMG_1836.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCLLrDjENIQoXt0uL_O40a560GuT_gvFqiJ37V9Kd2JwoOn9ijv2uRTEDIoca0yKLtjeRCRxpEjVqe-z8icJ1VOjGKMOb6dZ09UhBbMqFsthYlCAQOCtME3sK5OnoPjgrur4eyJNOGXTyx/s640/IMG_1836.JPG" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This woman may be my hero, amazing. Source Unknown.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj551CuzN1F0XOf5YuHIc_CZvm5dQgfl6rloX-rE-bMAMYwb-BmJEUVEyBsdZ0BeM-GbUhyphenhyphenohyphenhyphenCLIiaRMRBvFZaR9kgv4h1cMRDm5YP6vYpHSsv7ZtU63zTxVKURzR7HX7muMXJ1F9YPK9Y/s1600/IMG_1831.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="418" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj551CuzN1F0XOf5YuHIc_CZvm5dQgfl6rloX-rE-bMAMYwb-BmJEUVEyBsdZ0BeM-GbUhyphenhyphenohyphenhyphenCLIiaRMRBvFZaR9kgv4h1cMRDm5YP6vYpHSsv7ZtU63zTxVKURzR7HX7muMXJ1F9YPK9Y/s640/IMG_1831.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Some of the most hilarious and amazing signs out in full force. Source Unknown.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnHXJcHFykq6PEtiaI_rZND2EVWcEjjTDT-l8SZzMVzie_KMDx0Kne52asMGWe8vfmAhxzKGT3-kEJZKWpfowmiQpu4-ugK4_FI7XOzlgWWOOeGwGtlGN0wwamp26yYB4_Dxbtm074VDsw/s1600/IMG_1832.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnHXJcHFykq6PEtiaI_rZND2EVWcEjjTDT-l8SZzMVzie_KMDx0Kne52asMGWe8vfmAhxzKGT3-kEJZKWpfowmiQpu4-ugK4_FI7XOzlgWWOOeGwGtlGN0wwamp26yYB4_Dxbtm074VDsw/s640/IMG_1832.JPG" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">New York City, Source Unknown</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3J64b1_Z0cyC9bA9oM5OOhGzizJimV3BzyaQdSFNwZYOX1-f2ndM0KOITnKr5OE0k1C2kpoXDaf9an97t60MdLwNCfOvH1_HGme9cZeYQvhVkyvpAinBNdS4pTj1DDrtg5DCvpsgKSfWN/s1600/Screen+Shot+2017-01-22+at+12.10.15+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="476" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3J64b1_Z0cyC9bA9oM5OOhGzizJimV3BzyaQdSFNwZYOX1-f2ndM0KOITnKr5OE0k1C2kpoXDaf9an97t60MdLwNCfOvH1_HGme9cZeYQvhVkyvpAinBNdS4pTj1DDrtg5DCvpsgKSfWN/s640/Screen+Shot+2017-01-22+at+12.10.15+AM.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Even protests in Antartica and I'm living for it. Photo @lindazunas </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiHld6wDlR0iYD0WvJcWfn7bHizVhjKGFNMuzvQ9onXW3wGGEEeQDLDdhtqFZ6bBvJ_g_0-9IStfxupOW-0Zfz7ZOoOcnRmqhb4Q9E5NCJrBH_bTfzMMsFedp9uKJCELgZCPAvB2yg_t8a/s1600/IMG_1833.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiHld6wDlR0iYD0WvJcWfn7bHizVhjKGFNMuzvQ9onXW3wGGEEeQDLDdhtqFZ6bBvJ_g_0-9IStfxupOW-0Zfz7ZOoOcnRmqhb4Q9E5NCJrBH_bTfzMMsFedp9uKJCELgZCPAvB2yg_t8a/s640/IMG_1833.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I absolutely love seeing visibility for those with disabilities, let's work to normalise not stigmatise. Source Unknown. </td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY4vKVUEv0_1mKTdpydwPCXcn1S2WcerFtdLW_Wd85Mwsc5pnnXtf-wjywGrqtFKzcRXZXPc2C8Krwa5I3n3YdHg5_NzowB8d6Ma7cQ6tfZSZ9sNy0WEZxof-ZimSB7ka_Uzi9-B8Rv97c/s1600/IMG_1838.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY4vKVUEv0_1mKTdpydwPCXcn1S2WcerFtdLW_Wd85Mwsc5pnnXtf-wjywGrqtFKzcRXZXPc2C8Krwa5I3n3YdHg5_NzowB8d6Ma7cQ6tfZSZ9sNy0WEZxof-ZimSB7ka_Uzi9-B8Rv97c/s640/IMG_1838.JPG" width="610" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source Unknown. </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSed_leUDflQrhX6TkfYbXpaGg3hMjc7XmipcpeKibRN5s6rkG5O-gN7wxN_aNfLsE_s09LasGbheGoYZR3FWuwoJeehnL-xjP4p1d2f1vyss3fCp2QnXOaljSQ4NBg9NAQVBGxHkKUWj8/s1600/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSed_leUDflQrhX6TkfYbXpaGg3hMjc7XmipcpeKibRN5s6rkG5O-gN7wxN_aNfLsE_s09LasGbheGoYZR3FWuwoJeehnL-xjP4p1d2f1vyss3fCp2QnXOaljSQ4NBg9NAQVBGxHkKUWj8/s400/giphy.gif" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of my friends protesting in my hometown, her dance moves are contagious. Photo Paris Woodhull.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOcD79ikabW_dOZoB-eNfB71pyelnvEsKM39ADwYXsi33RUrpNLNw4NuCexZYC0mahjWmqdXqXnexUMWiA3cwqQI4EPmhyphenhyphenR9YQDEj029dX_Wu8HABIhH-zEVJxdlSwm-ohBcEWkRxL34pw/s1600/IMG_1828.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOcD79ikabW_dOZoB-eNfB71pyelnvEsKM39ADwYXsi33RUrpNLNw4NuCexZYC0mahjWmqdXqXnexUMWiA3cwqQI4EPmhyphenhyphenR9YQDEj029dX_Wu8HABIhH-zEVJxdlSwm-ohBcEWkRxL34pw/s640/IMG_1828.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Build Bridges, Not Walls. Source Unknown.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge0tStAMVbsyN1ax0KMTAeabZP9Bbxptbj54Pls88DtqwHi2JIsqQplb60pBFFilFXUWOxUKccSwzsiaU3sWgXDTjl-DTbgBzc4CZq-08tWcTlYvT_DDc4g3PVKBP7uH53KBBaOBbvhzYk/s1600/IMG_1825.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge0tStAMVbsyN1ax0KMTAeabZP9Bbxptbj54Pls88DtqwHi2JIsqQplb60pBFFilFXUWOxUKccSwzsiaU3sWgXDTjl-DTbgBzc4CZq-08tWcTlYvT_DDc4g3PVKBP7uH53KBBaOBbvhzYk/s640/IMG_1825.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Another bridge in London #BuildBridgesNotWalls. Source Unknown. </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqOZOpFTWCOy8fcwT6abjp2S5oCP9IvRu02JONLduI2tMSHu2IxQzMVsM60SSZnDDtkta-4mWhaLaVA4OeK56q3H-r3Iw9ffTpuZ0PrPYaSqqL633WDCsmEle0iG4avAlIGC7WkKNX0zAY/s1600/IMG_1835.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="452" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqOZOpFTWCOy8fcwT6abjp2S5oCP9IvRu02JONLduI2tMSHu2IxQzMVsM60SSZnDDtkta-4mWhaLaVA4OeK56q3H-r3Iw9ffTpuZ0PrPYaSqqL633WDCsmEle0iG4avAlIGC7WkKNX0zAY/s640/IMG_1835.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of my Internet friend's marching in her hometown. Photo @sophiamarsh. </td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3CMjiyaDwiV0N4KhrgmR_iWHilg1FWGJg4_JkhvL29WWA1OfNmrj2KUCecKfdBqq101YSQktl1G8R2oGW6iRSPCxNCHZMgGm0w6xdSfECn16A9vThY_ELRwVdlPcroP4sDi9Kh1kqgAG7/s1600/IMG_1839.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3CMjiyaDwiV0N4KhrgmR_iWHilg1FWGJg4_JkhvL29WWA1OfNmrj2KUCecKfdBqq101YSQktl1G8R2oGW6iRSPCxNCHZMgGm0w6xdSfECn16A9vThY_ELRwVdlPcroP4sDi9Kh1kqgAG7/s640/IMG_1839.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Brilliant throwback, I saw many of these signs out today. Source Unknown.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu0eGDqiXvyqyC-k7PuveCRih-dgZWXW49lVYBhFwK_NkBIp469Uz4MIb3Nn6hibNWzqsvI-90wr4HD3fESw1mgwxECh3A8hpcm_edcDI0I8OccvnOU4bvhuaO7CEPDDNYIKmFNHtB2y6z/s1600/IMG_1837.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu0eGDqiXvyqyC-k7PuveCRih-dgZWXW49lVYBhFwK_NkBIp469Uz4MIb3Nn6hibNWzqsvI-90wr4HD3fESw1mgwxECh3A8hpcm_edcDI0I8OccvnOU4bvhuaO7CEPDDNYIKmFNHtB2y6z/s640/IMG_1837.JPG" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source Unknown </td></tr>
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If you made it all the way to the end, I hope you enjoyed this collection. While it may seem that things are snowballing downhill fast, it's easy to see the passion and commitment of so many around the globe. We have work to do, and I don't know about you, but I'm ready to get to it. </div>
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Expressive Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15054608074184257084noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8208544085921909607.post-30336748795994309462016-12-24T14:30:00.000-08:002016-12-24T14:30:37.547-08:00Christmas Away from Home<div style="text-align: center;">
Those of you who know me will know that I love Christmas. I love everything about Christmas, from the sappy music, the big tree filled with ornaments, to the lights on every street corner. Christmas in my family is a huge deal, filled with traditions and memories which make every year feel like a beautiful snapshot in time.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZVFMTvqX2itXmZe83-nHpTmgFnvyEwIxZcQknrvcAoH2EMtMDjMjK5TAEAlp0PRRy12IUbq9dr_4b-7JKPqeVEx4KspiP6NRA7DI1ajmmwZD9vQBIpFYvA8rKXDDNbdBkRG16T9aFb_p1/s1600/fam.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="313" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZVFMTvqX2itXmZe83-nHpTmgFnvyEwIxZcQknrvcAoH2EMtMDjMjK5TAEAlp0PRRy12IUbq9dr_4b-7JKPqeVEx4KspiP6NRA7DI1ajmmwZD9vQBIpFYvA8rKXDDNbdBkRG16T9aFb_p1/s320/fam.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Family pictures with Santa are always a must</td></tr>
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This year will be my first year away from home during Christmas in my entire 23 years of existence because I'm staying in London during the holidays. It's not been easy to realise that I won't spend Christmas eve frantically wrapping presents with my mom while we watch Christmas Vacation. I won't be reading Twas the Night Before Christmas to my younger brothers. I won't wake up Christmas morning to a full stocking, excited gift opening, and an epic Christmas breakfast.</div>
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I guess it all comes back to my family. I'm really close to my family- I always have been. I know a lot of people my age don't really get along with their parents or feel obligated to spend some time with them at Chrismas, but for me it's the exact opposite. It's a weird day if I haven't talked to my mom at least once; even if it's just a simple text and not a Facetime or sitting down for dinner. I talk to my family about every detail of my life, they give me advice and support me, and Christmas is an amalgamation of how close we are and all the traditions we've built for each other.<br />
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Christmas has also taken on a special meaning for me since my dad passed away three years ago. My dad loved Christmas, and he was just as much part of all of these traditions as my mom and brothers. Traditions we built together as a family before he got sick, and traditions we honour him through by continuing on. It feels weird to not be celebrating the way I always did with my dad, the way we always did as a family. I remember one Christmas he actually used white cleaning powder along the bottom of his work boots and walked around our living room from the fireplace so it looked like Santa had been walking around. I remember driving up to Gatlinburg every year and singing The 12 Days of Christmas on repeat until we could do the entire song without messing up. I'll never forget the year he bought himself the 50th Anniversary Edition Monopoly board, one of the only times I remember my parents buying something for themselves. We still use that board every time we play. </div>
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On the other hand, this feels like it's part of growing up. I know that I'm reaching an age where it's normal to branch out and do my own thing and that it doesn't mean I love my family any less. I recently had a thought where I realised that my own mom used to spend every Christmas morning with my grandparents, but she's obviously spent it with us since I can remember. It's a normal part of becoming an adult- branching out from your parents. No one ever tells you that how hard that is though. When you're in school, all you can think about is getting away from your parents and living your own life, but as soon as you move out and have a job and bills and relationships all on your own, you can start to miss all the things that are comfortable to you. Everyone tells you it's hard to be a grown up, but I guess I didn't listen. On some level, I'm not ready to let go of some things, and Christmas is definitely one of those comfortable traditions that I'm clinging onto.<br />
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As much as I hate being away from my family, I realise there are new traditions I can build for myself. My life is my own to make of it what I want, so I'm going to try my damnedest to make it interesting. I think some traditions I'm incorporating here in London include- Christmas crackers (which we don't have in America, but I love the paper crowns), drinking mulled wine and walking around the fair, and buying myself a few choice presents just because I can. I've also built myself the ultimate Christmas Jams playlist on Spotify, and I love riding on buses and listening to it while I look out at all the lights on the London streets.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Making this Christmas fun with matching PJ's</td></tr>
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I knew Christmas was going to be hard this year without my family, but I never expected myself to be so caught up in the traditions I'm missing out on. I'm excited about my future, and I know that as I grow older I'll build some of my own traditions, but for right now I'm going to reminisce about our past Christmases and cherish the years I have left in the comfort of my traditions. </div>
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Since I am in London for Christmas, I've made a vlog of some of the Christmasy things I've done in the city. Click below to watch, and have Happy Holidays!<br />
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<br />Expressive Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15054608074184257084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8208544085921909607.post-56028228264598365882016-12-18T11:01:00.001-08:002016-12-18T11:01:51.793-08:00What it's like to be sick overseas<div style="text-align: center;">
So it is now mid-December, and officially the second time I have been violently ill in a month. Let me start by saying, this is not the first time I have complained about being sick in a foreign country, and it probably won't be the last (actually, god, <i>please </i>don't let me get sick again I've paid my dues). However, I do feel like I can give some unique insight into being sick in a strange place.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHr0HJdAiemvxLWXhP6uxtkzPISeWCh4gkpnUCs6-kFuhvzngdRuFegLopx6xddQmpay3QmAt_rsio8anxnzpSpFvPm3M-SQ1nKIbyfJZVmYAXWLFBMunOj_DQnUkbvnhtGOPWW9mVZ2_G/s1600/16F7006B-382B-48F8-83DA-85E9FBA43F1C.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHr0HJdAiemvxLWXhP6uxtkzPISeWCh4gkpnUCs6-kFuhvzngdRuFegLopx6xddQmpay3QmAt_rsio8anxnzpSpFvPm3M-SQ1nKIbyfJZVmYAXWLFBMunOj_DQnUkbvnhtGOPWW9mVZ2_G/s320/16F7006B-382B-48F8-83DA-85E9FBA43F1C.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">From fab to drab in a matter of hours</td></tr>
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What sucks worse that being sick in a different country is being sick and having none of your family or friends to take care of you. I'll admit, I'm one of those cry-baby friends who wants to be pampered and taken care of. I will make having a common cold seem like I'm actually laying on my deathbed. Being in a foreign country makes everything seem ten times worse. No one is here to bring me soup? Fluff my pillows? I don't even have a TV to marathon Friends on and have my boyfriend come change the DVD when it's time. It's honestly hell.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJvKqha01sg5N_pMRyIhb6O43Koyp5AQ2LKbl-tmaLdb0DVoHejSgzfDce2dpQhv2pPs96NvKrB2GSc6RXwDrGnS26ek2pxsRRwWlicZVuun2Jc9njDNfc0B5Rhm1bUdNrJsTmZW2ogUe0/s1600/Untitled.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJvKqha01sg5N_pMRyIhb6O43Koyp5AQ2LKbl-tmaLdb0DVoHejSgzfDce2dpQhv2pPs96NvKrB2GSc6RXwDrGnS26ek2pxsRRwWlicZVuun2Jc9njDNfc0B5Rhm1bUdNrJsTmZW2ogUe0/s400/Untitled.jpg" width="227" /></a>Another thing I quickly discovered is the difference in how health care works. Don't get me wrong, health in the UK is amazing, and it's free. However, it is just so different from back home that I usually walk out of the office wondering what just happened. The first time I went was about a month ago. It was the first time I actually got sick since moving here, and it was a walk in clinic that took patients on a first come first serve basis. I was seen within 20 minutes (though I've heard this isn't the norm). I walked into the office, and the doctor had a desk? And I sat behind the desk and just talked to them. Then they came around and checked my lungs and throat, but there wasn't a big table to sit up on. No awkward paper clothes. No rolling chair for the doctors and nurses. I didn't even see a nurse the entire visit. It was bizarre. And at the end they essentially said, 'eh, you've got a cold, come back if it's not better in a few weeks'. At which point I went home to continue my suffering. Alone. </div>
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My second time seeing a doctor here was just a few days ago and it was wildly different. I woke up feeling dizzy and almost passing out, causing a huge panic attack. I called the NHS hotline, which is honestly the most amazing service I have ever heard of and every country should have it. Anyways, after about 10 minutes of talking to me and making sure I wasn't having a heart attack, they booked me an appointment at the closest Urgent Care Centre to my house and told me I could see a doctor 30 minutes later. My mind was blown away. I called an Uber (because honestly who wants to walk to a bus when you're feeling sick), and I went to the office. An hour later (after staring confusedly at the weird desk again), and I was stumbling out in my fever induced hell dream to get my prescriptions and return home to roll into a coma in my bed. </div>
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Overall though, there are things you don't realise are 'comfort' for you when you're sick until you don't have them. For instance, I <i>always</i> drink orange Gatorade when I'm sick. It helps keep me hydrated, and it's what my dad always bought me when I was younger. I associate it with getting better quicker, and I always have it on hand when I'm not feeling well. Of course, Gatorade is impossible to find here. The closest store I know of that sells it is a 30-minute tube ride away, and of course it's the <i>blue </i>kind. I have yet to be successful finding the orange flavour, so I suffer my illness without it.</div>
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Everything about living in a city alone becomes all the more daunting when you're sick. Want to eat? You have to <i>walk </i>to the supermarket and then cook it yourself. No one wants to do that. I don't want to do that on a normal day, let alone when I'm sick. So I obviously end up order way too expensive takeout and crying as I look at my bank account while I curse my immune system for doing this to me. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All I've eaten today and it was delicious</td></tr>
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Required to go to class/work? Guess what, you don't have a car- oh no, you have to walk, catch a tube, a bus, and then walk again. And then do it again to get home. I actually had a paper due this past weekend, which I woke up to with it half finished and a temperature of over 38 (100 if you're an F person). It took hours of emails back and forth with professors and sending in proof to get an extension, which I was luckily granted. However, the final straw was when they sent me paperwork to sign for the extension and it needed to be printed. I tried to laugh but I ended up crying because the closest place to print something was a 10-minute walk away and I hadn't even bothered to put on pants that day I felt so horrible. It took me about five minutes to say 'screw it' and e-sign the paper using Microsoft Paint. They didn't even question me on it. </div>
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As you can probably tell, I'm sick of being sick. I feel like Pocohantas when John Smith brought her to England, and I feel like their stupid germs might kill me too. I can't tell if I keep getting sick from the public transport constantly bombarding me with germy people, the stress of my school work, or the dreary England weather, but one thing's for certain, I'm going to continue wallowing and dreaming of a day when I can breathe again without coughing up a lung.</div>
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I realise that all of this complaining comes from a very privileged place. I have had amazing opportunities which have allowed me to explore the world and live in one of the most diverse cities in modern history. While being sick sucks, I know there are thousands who suffer every day from chronic illness and illnesses much more severe than a little fever and a sniffle. I thought you would enjoy my little banter about having the head flu all alone here in London, but I am grateful for how healthy I am overall in my life. </div>
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If you want to see more melodramatic ramblings about being sick overseas, you should watch my video about being sick in London below. </div>
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<br />Expressive Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15054608074184257084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8208544085921909607.post-25731796106344529382016-12-07T14:18:00.000-08:002016-12-12T14:36:30.523-08:00Four Months in London- Where Am I<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As you may know, I made a huge life decision back in April and decided to move back to London to attempt my Master's degree in Marketing. I've been here for about four months now, so I'm going to give an honest look at moving across the globe on your own. I wish I could say moving here was everything I ever thought it would be. Most of the time, I love the whirl of the city, the never-ending list of things I could do in one of the most culturally diverse places in the world. The reality is that I spend most of my days staring out the window during my hour long commute to class or laying on my couch scrolling through my FaceBook feed. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Don't get me wrong, I have done some amazing things this year, most of which involve the amazing friend group I've made. I've had parties, gone to concerts, explored shopping malls, and even had a painfully complicated trip home to visit my family. Despite so much good, life here has also been regretfully difficult. It's been constantly questioning myself and my abilities, crying at little things that feel like they should be easy, and trying to find possessions before screaming because I left it in another country. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">One of my friends showed me a theory about a month ago, the 5 Stages of Culture Shock. When I first saw it I laughed, and I thought "I'm not going through culture shock! I already know about the culture here!" However, after looking at it again, I've realised that moving across the world all on my own has affected me more deeply that I could ever have anticipated despite living here for half of last year.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">When I moved here last year, it was a dream come true. Fresh out of university, I was working at an internship in a huge city, and living with people all from the same country as me. I went on crazy adventures, and honestly, I didn't have to assimilate for the first 2 months I lived here because everything was taken care of for me. I don't think I was honest with myself about those last three months. It was hard, it was lonely, and it was scary. I've felt for a long time that London is my home, more than I've ever felt in my life, but I also notice that maybe my feelings were painted rosey with a nice dose of romanticism for good measure. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">In light of accomplishing my goal of moving to London for real, here is my experience of culture shock. It may be brutal, but at least I know where I stand and hopefully I'll learn something about myself in the process. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>Stage 1: The Honeymoon Stage</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">This is when you arrive in a new place and everything is shiny and new. You're pointing out all the differences from back home and you're feeling so 'cultured' and 'enriched' to be somewhere so different. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I don't think I went through this coming back. Last year, I definitely went to all the museums and saw Big Ben again. I was so excited to experience the culture and hit all the cool tourist spots. Moving back, I sighed as my mom called me and asked if I wanted to go on the London Eye when she visits this summer, internally cringing at the 30 quid I'm going to have to dish out for a giant ferris wheel. I haven't felt that need to go do the tourist stuff, I didn't spend my time giggling about how it's a 'lift' instead of an elevator. I'd done this before, I was ready to dive in and start my new life without the fluff.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>Stage 2: The Distress Stage</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Ah yes, the stage where all those little differences start to add up and become a big problem. You begin to feel confused and frustrated at how different everything is, and you realise that your support system from back home is completely gone. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I can easily admit that I hit the distress stage and I hit it hard. I think the defining moment was standing in the supermarket trying to buy food. I was so frustrated because I couldn't find <i>anything </i>in their stupid stores and what they did have wasn't the right brand and wasn't the right flavour, and they called it different names. All in all I kind of had a breakdown. I don't think anyone ever thinks about how all the little minute details matter so much in a day to day life, but it all piles up until you don't want to get out of bed because it feels too overwhelming. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>Stage 3: Re-Integration Stage</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">You start to have a disdain for your new home, you reject it and begin to feel that everything back home is superior. You feel angry, frustrated, and even hostile to everyone around you, and you wonder why you ever left in the first place. You miss the familiarity of home and feel like you don't belong. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I would say I'm currently at this stage. Add a stressful school situation into the mix, and I have become bitter and angry at the world for making my life so difficult despite getting everything I wanted. I'm constantly thinking about when I can go visit my family back home, and talking to my roommate about the frustrations of living in a giant city. People stop in the middle of the pavement and I roll my eyes and huff as I move around them. When I think about back home, I wonder why I didn't appreciate how what I had there was so good. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>Stage 4: Autonomy Stage</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> <span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;">Finally, the first stage toward acceptance; w</span><span style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;">hen you begin to feel like yourself again. You begin to accept the differences and feel like you can to live with them. You feel more confident and better able to cope with problems. You no longer feel isolated; you’re able to look at the world around you and appreciate where you are.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><br /></span></span></span> <span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;">I don't think I'm here fully yet. There are quite few days that I wake up and feel like maybe I'm starting to fully enjoy my life here, but then the following day the train is delayed and I feel like it's destroyed my entire week. I do think I will eventually get there the more I focus on learning and doing things I enjoy with people I get along with, but right now I'm teetering on the edge of simultaneously loving and hating everything around me. </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><br /></span></span></span> <span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><b>Stage 5: Independence Stage</b></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><br /></span></span></span> <span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">You feel yourself again! You embrace the new culture and see everything in a new (hopefully realistic) light. Things start to become enjoyable. You feel comfortable, confident, able to make decisions based on your own preferences and values. You no longer feel alone and isolated.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Being truly independent and feeling like I'm happy and content seems like a distant glimmer. I've only been here four months, so I'm trying to give myself time to figure things out and hopefully get there. I genuinely don't how long this will take, or if it ever will, but til then I'm working on taking it one day at a time. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So, if you're here wondering if you should take the plunge and move across the globe by yourself- I still say go for it but you've been warned. It's hard work. You constantly doubt yourself and feel torn about whether you did the right thing. I'm glad I moved here, I don't regret it at all, but I can't lie to myself and pretend it's butterflies and rainbows all the time. Living here is just that...living here. You still feel stress and anxiety, the things in your life that affected you before still affect you in another place, just now you have to navigate it on your own. This experience has for sure given me independence; I know that I'm capable of anything and that I know how to figure stuff out. I wouldn't trade that for anything, but I still think of my hometown and feel a pang in my chest for wildly different reality I've thrown myself into.</span><br />
<br />Expressive Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15054608074184257084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8208544085921909607.post-62282083814194227162016-07-21T15:49:00.001-07:002016-07-21T15:49:51.741-07:00I'm Moving Back!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_RyOxIwhFdkbeK6gg9GtpKGFTtAvIgejHztlKLE31eZ_j9TLQv0xuUBJBN7oNik6TCkqyAltdX9KJAozKPVm77M4l3UtT0ihh7iY0pTBuapU-icHHK4xru947rlN5hbFNO713yORLA-6s/s1600/12118658_10154266302689745_2434156192994784174_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="332" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_RyOxIwhFdkbeK6gg9GtpKGFTtAvIgejHztlKLE31eZ_j9TLQv0xuUBJBN7oNik6TCkqyAltdX9KJAozKPVm77M4l3UtT0ihh7iY0pTBuapU-icHHK4xru947rlN5hbFNO713yORLA-6s/s640/12118658_10154266302689745_2434156192994784174_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Those of you who know me will know of my constant adoration for London and deep desire to live there. I had wanted to live in London since I could remember, and last summer my dream finally came true - I was able to live there for five months! After living in a city and understanding city life, I decided London is a place where I am happy and thrive, so I've been working ever since to go back. I'm so excited to announce that I'll be moving back to London this fall to work on my master's degree!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQiUZEz92v_yZEL5gWsK1IOJqKu5czsthjnX06nDj7M5tUf9PEwcmJNmb-bRsdIxck1C8gQtxQRFjuDVXL6QC3UCNNcMoeXecuOoEOkykkkxDMNLoMsUxSf7fjeSO7EmcY3v277C744r4o/s1600/Logo-website-e1453131230625.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQiUZEz92v_yZEL5gWsK1IOJqKu5czsthjnX06nDj7M5tUf9PEwcmJNmb-bRsdIxck1C8gQtxQRFjuDVXL6QC3UCNNcMoeXecuOoEOkykkkxDMNLoMsUxSf7fjeSO7EmcY3v277C744r4o/s200/Logo-website-e1453131230625.jpg" width="200" /></a>I'll be living in London for about a year and a half for school, and by the end of it will have a post-graduate degree in Marketing and Brand Management - hopefully by the end of it I'll have a job, too, so fingers crossed! Additionally, I have taken a volunteer position with Sparks Charity, who I <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIghhvH7t6A" target="_blank">worked with last year</a>. Sparks made my time in London last year so worth while, and they helped me discover the career I want to pursue, so I'm happy to work with them again.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipOtQj0rlNEiQCPXjGGYPj2riMrj6cgknklyP0kzhc2z_8f3ykTFq-EKS5-aemTRFfhy276CCGF_sB61l0OO9Wkx5bbNcRBwG8hfMFRJ4F1THXHMTUv-dd_e087KrKCoHk-8jCuhgrjkpB/s1600/10955803_10154287155844745_4615219959563506788_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipOtQj0rlNEiQCPXjGGYPj2riMrj6cgknklyP0kzhc2z_8f3ykTFq-EKS5-aemTRFfhy276CCGF_sB61l0OO9Wkx5bbNcRBwG8hfMFRJ4F1THXHMTUv-dd_e087KrKCoHk-8jCuhgrjkpB/s200/10955803_10154287155844745_4615219959563506788_n.jpg" width="158" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and my roommate Hayley</td></tr>
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I'm not really sure where I'm going to be living yet -terrifying, I know- but I do know I'll be living with my friend and fellow YouTuber, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/user/hayley25" target="_blank">Hayley Harp</a>. I feel like we're going to be <i>those</i> YouTubers who live together and are up 'til 3 AM filming something. Our neighbors will think we're crazy, but I'm really excited to finally live with someone who shares this crazy hobby with me, and I think it'll make the transition back to London easier.<br />
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In the same sense some people have thought,"<i>making YouTube videos can't be that hard</i>", I've also had one or two people think moving to England is easy. Let me tell you, it's a lot easier said than done! In the past month I've sold my car, sub-let my apartment, applied for a visa, and moved all my stuff into storage. It's been a hectic month, and I still have so much to do, but it's pushed me to be organized and take each day as it comes. It's a happy stressed that I think is healthy.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieV0_7orNl3Mmd24NCRjTfZhdhhQpcXlOEBGyHdbbWbNGkFj1axD8-ZEAIOPT7LFAeS3xbiogYSAKgdnUFPcopitKXXZ0SMUoK_gzOsXSP1SWVSl6WEhxkn4yYJ2OnGQ_CiXDK6PD3x7ZE/s1600/13241371_1015575448523844_7810565937522473085_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieV0_7orNl3Mmd24NCRjTfZhdhhQpcXlOEBGyHdbbWbNGkFj1axD8-ZEAIOPT7LFAeS3xbiogYSAKgdnUFPcopitKXXZ0SMUoK_gzOsXSP1SWVSl6WEhxkn4yYJ2OnGQ_CiXDK6PD3x7ZE/s200/13241371_1015575448523844_7810565937522473085_n.jpg" width="200" /></a>I have so much planned for when I get there - I feel like my life is in limbo just waiting to re-start when I get to London. I'm planning on attending the London-based YouTube convention <i>Summer in the City</i> the day after I arrive, where I'll see friends I haven't seen in almost a year. I've already resigned myself to not sleeping on the plane because the jet-lag is going to kill me. I'm also part of an amazing group known as <i>London Small YouTubers</i>, and I'm so ready to throw myself back into it and hang out other creators. I've also bought tickets to Leeds Festival, which will be the first festival I've ever attended, so hopefully I won't sprain my ankle or lose all my stuff.<br />
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Honestly, I can't wait to start this adventure; I know that I'm going to love being back in London. Everyone asks me if I'm excited to be going back, and while I am excited about the people I'm going to see and the opportunities I'm going to have, it just feels to me like I'm going home.<br />
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If you want to see me talking about some quirky things I've packed to make the trek to London, check out my video:<br />
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<br />Expressive Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15054608074184257084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8208544085921909607.post-59897604225094090592016-07-16T17:02:00.000-07:002016-07-16T17:02:22.420-07:00My Weight Journey<h4>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">What is it like to be the friend of someone with an eating disorder? </span></h4>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">My best friend in high </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">school was anorexic; I remember defending her when I heard whispers in the hall, and talking to her about how she meticulously counted every calorie. I remember hospital visits and trying to bring a postive, supportive attitude to her recovery, but it would be wrong if I didn't discuss how it </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">affected my own mental health. No one ever talks about what a friend goes through when someone has a disease, because they aren't the one who needs help. </span></h4>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj7LevPvtdZXgS5m9WAKOUcZgEwKQeTKe6eDEn9d-aSf6FVFoDNg8QOYEzwfxkthyfQDswBg212wbB2f7RvaRpQLZSb0WNrbpVb0g7lVrp5X6tTQVwkDZ8WSU4wMBaqyV4sYZFlsssr4tB/s1600/BeFunky+Collage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj7LevPvtdZXgS5m9WAKOUcZgEwKQeTKe6eDEn9d-aSf6FVFoDNg8QOYEzwfxkthyfQDswBg212wbB2f7RvaRpQLZSb0WNrbpVb0g7lVrp5X6tTQVwkDZ8WSU4wMBaqyV4sYZFlsssr4tB/s320/BeFunky+Collage.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I remember when we first met. We were about the same size: cute, average-sized little freshmen on the first day of school - then I gained a size or two, and she got down to a size 4 by our Junior year. She would say "<i>Oh, I'm so fat</i>", and I would think to myself, "<i>If she thinks that with how small she is, what must she think of me?</i>" I felt like I couldn't voice my insecurities, because it might trigger her or make her feel guilty or make her disease worse. Looking back, I was average size. I was not overweight, I was really completely normal, but I spent all of high school thinking I wasn't because no one ever told me different. My best friend had a disease that also effected me, and I didn't know any better. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now I understand that she wasnt gaging my weight, she was sick and it wasn't about me, it was about her. At the time I wasn't mature enough to see the difference. </span></h4>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 15.36px; text-align: center; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: #444444;">Obviously I don't blame my friend for my own body image issues. Thinking about our time together, I wish someone had stopped to ask me if I was handling it okay, because apparently I wasn't. Despite there being hundreds of resources for coping with an eating disorder, I was never aware of any that were intended for the friends/family of someone going through that. I didn't know how to be supportive; I didn't know how to maintain my own mental health so that I could be a good friend to her. </span></span></h4>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I used to look at other people and think, "<i>Am i bigger than them?</i>" or, "<i>They're pretty and they're bigger than me so i must be pretty too</i>." I think part of the problem is that so many people connect weight and beauty, and it shouldn't be like that. </span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">That's why media representation is so important - to me, at least. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">As someone experiencing body image issues, seeing larger women who were happy and beautiful made me feel better about myself and helped me realize it was okay to like my body. It wasn't about whether I was actually overweight or not, it was about how I perceived</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> myself. I was convinced I was really overweight, so seeing positive roll models helped me come to terms and be okay with that, even if it wasn't true.</span></h4>
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Having a positive role model that's the same size as me really helped.</div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">My school played into my weight issues a lot as well. They forced us to run on the track, and it felt like everyone was judging you based on how fast you could run a mile. I couldn't - still cant - run a mile without stopping, and I definitely can't do it quickly. I felt humiliated for it in front of 50 of my peers because I couldn't do it as fast as them, but no one ever even properly taught me how to run, or breath while running, until my college boyfriend pointed out I was doing it wrong. I turned to him, eyebrows raised, "<i>There's a right and wrong way to run?</i>"
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbAAGnH5xYJu9pADb2z3IigUqNEnQqoGZ0XBR4KcCXrH2OeFf8-2zCHsvkDoWaWdcOCmu1J-I1vWd3VeCrqTxHdpXlMUfTHn8FJtGEIFmkIa5Y9isJ-wUon5wlZE1eeBBnJ2VwY4KFuiB9/s1600/IMG_0759.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbAAGnH5xYJu9pADb2z3IigUqNEnQqoGZ0XBR4KcCXrH2OeFf8-2zCHsvkDoWaWdcOCmu1J-I1vWd3VeCrqTxHdpXlMUfTHn8FJtGEIFmkIa5Y9isJ-wUon5wlZE1eeBBnJ2VwY4KFuiB9/s200/IMG_0759.jpg" width="198" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">After my leg surgery</td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now I know that I have a problem in my legs that makes running extremely difficult for me, to the point that I've had surgery. The entire system was built to make you feel like you were obese if you couldn't run a mile at the same pace as everyone else, even though that's not true at all. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I can out-swim every person I've ever come across - I used to swim two miles every day just because </span><i style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I enjoyed it</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">. </span></h4>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Once a year we stood on a scale in class while they weighed us and calculated our BMI (which I'd like to point out is an inaccurate measure of health) and tell us if we were 'healthy' or not. You had no choice. It was part of your grade. It was always the most anxiety-inducing day for me; I felt so judged and humiliated. L</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">ooking back on it I'm thinking, "<i>You are not a doctor - what right to you have to publicly weigh me and determine my 'health'?</i>" </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I'm healthy; I always have been. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Why did no one ever tell me that? </span></h4>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I'm lucky to have found a positive support system through the online community, and I feel more confident in my body image today. While I am more mature and have grown out of teenage mentalities, so much of how I perceive myself has come from my involvement online. That said, I wish I could say I'm always happy with myself and how I look, but it's something I work on every day. I am definitely more positive now, and I've come to understand that everyone goes through these problems - regardless of age, gender, or size. I realize this is a journey with no clear end, but I am finally happy with just being me and taking it one day at a time. I suppose at the end of the day, I wish we didn't put so much pressure on young people to look a certain way or to be a certain weight; I wish there were a way to go back and tell teenage me that my perception of myself is not my true self. I hope that moving forward, young people of today have someone telling them they are great the way they are, and schools begin working toward being more sensitive to the mentality of students when it comes to weight issues. </span></span></span></h4>
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My video about my experiences with body positivity and YouTube</div>
Expressive Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15054608074184257084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8208544085921909607.post-1007900422279159652015-11-02T05:07:00.001-08:002015-11-02T05:07:53.667-08:00Why I Love Internet CultureWhen I talk to many of my "irl" friends, they never seem to understand this Internet culture I'm obsessed with. How can you live so excitedly online? It's just a place for cat videos and rude trolls....why are you obsessed with it?<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and Leandra</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and Hayley</td></tr>
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I love this culture so much, especially the YouTube community which I have especially been integrated into. We find some of our best friends through this community. We don't have to lie to each other, we don't have to hide, we can be vulnerable, we can be scared. We can have insecurities, have fears, have questions. We can also be passionate, have wild dreams, be excited about the world. The friends we make online are just as important and real to us as our other friends. They are the friends we truly choose ourselves. They are the friends who understand this whole culture, the one's we can talk to about anything and everything without fear of someone finding out you spilled your secrets. The one's who understand what it's like to have anxiety, or lose a parent, or be depressed. These are the friends who it doesn't matter if you never meet them or see them every day, you love them just the same.<br />
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I recently attended "The Amazing Tour is Not On Fire" (Dan Howell might come fight me for all of those capitol letters if I'm being honest), which is a theatrical stage show put on by these two popular internet nerds (cult leaders) called "Dan and Phil". While I was there, I saw girls crying because they finally met their best friend after years, I saw people hugging and laughing, no one was unhappy. There were 3000 people, and everyone had similar interests, everyone understood what it was like to have issues in our lives, everyone wanted to make everyone else feel loved and happy- all because of their shared passion for these two dorks who post silly videos online about their lives. And this isn't the only time I've seen this, every convention, every gathering, every meet up- we see people meeting who have been waiting for this moment (sometimes for years), people who have actively decided they care enough about each other to put in maximum effort to keep their friendship alive despite their distance.<br />
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Our culture is so understanding, even for our "celebrities". Troye Sivan is a musical sensation from Australia (listen to Wild you won't regret it), but he started out making videos as well. He shared his passion but he also shared his fears- he put himself out there online and made himself vulnerable. Now, as he tours the globe, not only do I see fans getting excited and being insanely proud of him, I see people tweeting him saying "make sure you eat enough" "make sure you're sleeping" "if you're sick don't preform, we will understand, we want you to be healthy". Our culture takes care of it's own, we are protective just as much as we are passionate.<br />
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We encourage each other so much. Want to start your own channel? "Do it! I'll watch you, you'll be so good!" Want to go to uni? "YEAH GO FOR IT, YOU CAN DO IT". Stressed about your home life? "Here is a meme to make you laugh so you can forget for a few minutes". This community is encouraging and uplifting (despite a few bad eggs), and it encourages people to follow their craziest dreams and gives them the moral support to say YOU CAN DO IT!! When I'm stressed and it's 2AM, I know my friend on the other side of the world is awake and wants to talk it out with me. We don't judge. One minute I will be talking about the relative likelihood of an asteroid hitting the Earth and killing us all, and the next minute I'm sending screenshots of the rarest pepe and laughing till I cry. We have no boundaries, and I personally think that's a good thing. <br />
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Sure, there are problems in the community, we have <i>loads</i> of issues, but I think our positives are also something to be noted. The positives of being in this community make the problems worth solving, make the issues worth handling. Next time you're confused as to why someone seems so "obsessed with the Internet", remember it's not the Internet we love, it's the person on the other side of the screen.<br />
<br />Expressive Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15054608074184257084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8208544085921909607.post-34011668826342210612015-10-26T21:05:00.000-07:002015-10-26T21:05:55.461-07:00Here We Go AgainAlthough it is currently 3AM in the United Kingdom, I feel like I cannot go to sleep without expressing my thoughts on the video I just watched. Before I make commentary on the video, I'm going to link it here, but here is a warning that it is quite difficult to watch.<div>
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<br /><br />As someone who has worked in schools for years, this is wrong on so many levels.<br /><br />Firstly, the issue that we have an adult male cop using extreme force on a young teenage girl who was not hostile or violent. This is another in a long line of police brutality cases that I think shows a <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/ng-interactive/2015/jun/01/the-counted-police-killings-us-database" target="_blank">Database of fatal cop shootings in 2015</a></td></tr>
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systematic issue within the police force community. There is obviously something going wrong in your training when these instances keep happening over and over again. <br /><br />I have already seen people saying "well we don't know what she did, maybe she deserved it". At what point does anyone deserve to be thrown to the ground? She could have said the most terrible things to the cop, the teacher, the other students; that does not mean her fundamental right to be safe on school property should be infringed upon. She clearly had no weapons, no voices were raised, she was calm even if she was defiant. There is a difference between defiance and hostility, and defiance is not grounds for excessive force. <br /><br />I have no doubt in my mind that the officer will be fired and the school board will say what it needs to say to make the situation better, but firing cops who get caught acting out on camera isn't going to fix the overlying issue of police brutality in the United States. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just hours after the video surfaced, it is already a <br />worldwide trending topic. Many protestors for race <br />issues use the site for awareness.<br /></td></tr>
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On another level, this is also a race issue. Before you start screaming that every time this happens "someone makes it about race" I want you to hear me out. I think the important thing to remember is </div>
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that in the United States we are seeing a higher percentage of these cases surrounding police brutality on people of color. The point is that yes, <i>if this was a white girl it would still be just as important, but the fact that it is yet another person of color in a long line of people of color who have been systematically attacked is just further proving a point that there is a wider issue in the United States concerning race issues that needs to be addressed. </i>I'm not going to seriously delve into issue of race because it is not my place to speak for people of color. I will say that in my opinion, their concerns are completely valid and we should all be more open minded about hearing what they have to say about their experiences and fears living in the United States.</div>
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<span style="text-align: center;">Lastly, and this is an issue that I think is a widely different perspective than most people will have: that officer should not have been in that classroom to begin with. In that situation where the teacher is frustrated and a student is stepping out of line but not violent, the school counselor or psychologist should have been called to talk to her. She was sitting in her desk, no weapons, no violent threat, which is what the officers are on campus to handle specifically. Counselors are trained professionals that already work with many of the "problem" students and are trained to handle students who don't want to conform or follow the rules. Calling an officer who had no prior knowledge of the situation only serves for them to assume it was a violent or hostile situation from the start.</span></div>
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I don't know why the officer was called, but from my experience teachers tend to call the officers when they can't be bothered to deal with a student anymore. In my opinion that is unprofessional and lazy. I understand if a student is being frustrating, but you should have more avenues to use before calling a police officer into the situation. Their purpose at the school is to protect the students from danger, not be your back up behavior management system.<br /><br />And some people will make the completely valid point- not all schools have counselors and psychologists on site. Many low funded schools wouldn't have the resources, and even if they do have a counselor they may not be adequately trained to deal with these situations. To them I say, this is an education issue just as much as it is a police brutality and race issue. Our schools are seriously underfunded and the students are paying the price here. Professionally speaking, a school is supposed to at the very least have a trained counselor on site at all times. Obviously not all the information has been released regarding the case, but if the option for a more moderate approach before contacting the police officer was not available, that is exemplifying a larger issue within our school systems that needs to be addressed. </div>
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As this is a current new story that will be unfolding with new information over the next few days, I will add additions, opinions, and referendums under this line.<br />
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Expressive Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15054608074184257084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8208544085921909607.post-25010264399231334702015-10-21T11:57:00.000-07:002016-12-12T14:23:36.148-08:00YouTube Red and Other RantingsYouTube has just announced it's new "YouTube Red", which is set to roll out on October 28th, just seven days from now. I must admit, I'm deeply terrified of what this means for content creators and the future of YouTube.<br />
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For those of you who don't know, YouTube Red will be a paid subscription service of $9.99 per month, and it includes features such as no advertisements and offline watching. Let me be clear, you do not have to pay for the service to continue enjoying YouTube content. At first it seems like a good deal, right? Especially for someone who watches a lot of YouTube and gets sick of the ads. However, looking past the surface, what does this mean for my favorite content creators? Many content creators use ad revenue from their videos to sustain themselves, YouTube is their job. Sure, many of them do paid sponsorships, but for the most part they also rely heavily on the income they expect from ad revenue on their videos. How does this work for them?<br />
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EDIT: I have since been informed of the payment system and will relay that here:<br />
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<span style="background-color: white;">45% goes to YouTube, that’s $4.50</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">55% goes to content creators, that’s $5.50</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">Now that money will be split amongst the YouTuber’s determined by what percentage of my total watch time was devoted to them. Let’s say over the course of a month I watch:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Connor Franta: 15 minutes</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">Danisnotonfire: 15 minutes</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">Hannah Hart: 10 minutes</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">Jack Howard: 5 minutes</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">(and so on but im going to use these numbers)</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">So I’ve watched a total watch time of 45 minutes. 33% was Connor, 33% is Dan, 22% is Hannah, and 1% is Jack. </span><span style="background-color: white;">Under this new system, that means Connor will receive 33% of my payed subscription ($1.80), Dan also receives that much ($1.80), Hannah receives 22% ($1.21), and Jack receives 1% ($.05).</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">In the old system each content creator was paid equally based on number of views. People were upset with that system because it encouraged click baiting titles. They’ve changed the system, only this time it will encourage longer videos and more uploads that aren’t necessarily relevant or interesting to watch.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">Additionally, my reservations about this system is that it will harm small YouTuber’s very much. You’re all worried about the huge famous ones, but trust me, YouTube is looking out for them here and they stand to gain a lot of money off of this system. However, smaller YouTuber’s (like, under a million subs) who are trying to make a name for themselves and make a career out of YouTube will not thrive in this system. This system promotes people who play the “YouTube game”. It promotes fandom culture and the “teenage heart throb” culture.</span></div>
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Going back to my original point about YouTube Red, you may be thinking "okay, whatever, I just won't sign up and then everything will stay the same". Well, they have you covered there. They are also rolling out a new feature called "YouTube Originals". This seems to be YouTube's attempt at copying Netflix by making it's own "original" content. It appears the only way you can view this content is if you are subscribed to YouTube Red. They have announced a slate of YouTube creators and content due to come out on the platform starting next year.<br />
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This brings up some more very alarming questions for me:<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The announced projects, with more being announced soon.</td></tr>
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1. How does YouTube decide whose projects to invest in? In the past, the viewers have always chosen the content they want to see, funded kickstarters for the creators they wanted to see make cool stuff. While it's awesome that YouTube is investing in their creators, how do they decide who gets the <br />
money?<br />
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2. Since you can only view these with the paid subscription service, I'm assuming the content creators aren't making money based on views with this system. So they are investing in the creators, but they aren't giving them the revenue they deserve per view after they've made their return on investment? Hardly seems fair to the content creator.<br />
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3. I am very skeptical of the content they have slated already. It is predominantly vloggers or "big names" within YouTube. I see almost no short films, art films, short series. It seems most of the content is the "big whigs" doing docu type films or big names doing overly done and cliched projects.<br />
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4. The wording and marketing of this entire ordeal is quite terrifying and patronizing. "Original series and movies from your favorite stars". Favorite stars? Is that how we are going to start referring to them? The entire point of YouTube is that we are all nerds with video cameras, we are all the same and all have potential on the platform. YouTube is very obviously trying to brand their largest creators as these "teen heart throbs" and "internet sensations". And while some of the content creators certainly are those things, a lot of YouTube's demographic isn't in the "teenage screaming" category, and it kind of feels like YouTube doesn't care about us anymore.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Headline from YouTube's official announcement</td></tr>
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5. It would appear YouTube is only investing in people with huge subscriber counts. What does this mean for smaller YouTubers? Small YouTuber's already have the shitty end of the stick as it is - the algorithm works against them, they are drowning in a sea of other creators, and they don't make enough to make YouTube a full time job so they have outside jobs/responsibilities. It seems YouTube's priority very clearly lies with the big creators, and this new system seems like it will make it even harder for smaller content creators to make the jump into being full time YouTubers.<br />
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(I'm going to write a separate blog post about why that is a terrible business move on YouTube's part in a different post so stay tuned)<br />
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Overall, this new YouTube Red and YouTube Originals project seems like a terrible idea that is going to lead to the destruction of the YouTube system. We have said for a long time that changes need to be made, but I don't think these are the types of changes any of us were looking for. I'll wait till the platform actually rolls out and then re-evaluate from there, but for now I am skeptical and scared of what this means for the future of YouTube and the YouTube community. <br />
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If you want to read YouTube's official announcements, you can visit <a href="http://youtube-global.blogspot.co.uk/2015/10/red.html" target="_blank">here</a> or <a href="http://youtube-global.blogspot.co.uk/2015/10/red-originals.html" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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<br />Expressive Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15054608074184257084noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8208544085921909607.post-55073641324006285172014-09-22T09:25:00.002-07:002014-09-22T09:25:50.870-07:00Banned Books Week!Today I'm going to talk about something I am very passionate about: books! I love to read, I have always loved to read. I have been extremely lucky to grow up with parents who do not try to censure the materials I want to read.<br />
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Sure, some of the books I read in middle school talked about sex. Instead of censuring me from reading those books, my parents sat me down and had <i>real </i>conversations with me about sex and growing up.<br />
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Some of the books I read talked about drugs and alcohol. My teachers did not refuse to let me take out the book in class and read it to myself, instead they encouraged me to voice my concerns and questions. My parents talked to me about the dangers of drug use, and helped me navigate adolescence without feeling like I needed substance abuse.<br />
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Books are intended to help us explore our world, and discover new things about the people, places, and ideas around us. If I am not reading something new or controversial, then what is the point? Every year when I see the top banned books of the year, I get so angry. Who would even want to censure children from reading?! That is the opposite of encouragement!<br />
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For that reason, I am going to list some of my favorite books on the banned book list, and why I think everyone should have the opportunity to read them.<br />
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1. Captain Underpants Series: Reason- "Unsuited for age group, offensive language, violence"<br />
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Okay, seriously? First off, the "violence" in these books in cartoonish. And if you let your kids watch Spongebob Squarepants, you will see worse violence than in these books. Secondly, if by "offensive language" you mean the copious amount of mentions of "underpants", aren't you just glad someone is teaching your 7 year old to wear clean underwear?<br />
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This serious is tons of fun! They are a great starter serious for chapter books for kids learning to read. I can say from experience, it is hard to find books that boys will read without squirming saying it's a "girl" book. If they are interested in it, and it gets them excited about reading, I say let them go for it!<br />
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2. The Hunger Games: Reason- "Religious viewpoint, unsuited to age group, desensitizes children to murder and war."<br /><br />
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So first off, there is no way to "desensitize" a person to war. We see violence <i>every single day</i> in our society. We live in fear of terrorist attacks, war, and nuclear invasion. If your fear is a child being desensitized to that, then maybe they actually <i>need</i> a book like this. Sit them down, and talk about these issues. Talk about how sad it is, how upsetting it is, and how you feel about the violence of the world. Reading a book is not going to convince a kid that murder is a good thing. In fact, when you read this book, the violence breaks your heart and makes you want to see a glimpse of humanity in the world.<br />
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3. The Absolutely True Diary of a Part Time Indian: Reason- "Drugs/alcohol/smoking, offensive language, racism, sexually explicit, unsuited to age group."<br />
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I'm not sure what about this book makes you think it is racist, cause it is not explicitly racist. If you think it is racist against Indians, I hate to tell you this, but that is what those people go through <i>every day of their lives</i>. Calling attention to their plights is important. Kids need to know what happens to minorities in this country, and we need to talk to them about how to fix these problems and show compassion. If you think it is racist against white people: just, no. Reverse racism does not exist, and to say it does is just shoving your white privilege in the face of those less fortunate than you. This book goes a long way in showing kids how minorities live.<br />
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As far as offensive language is concerned, do you use that language? Have you ever heard it before? You can talk to your children about appropriate and inappropriate language. It is up to us to talk to kids about language so that when they do hear it, they know what to do and how to respond. Teach your kids that some words <i>are bad words</i> and that we shouldn't use them ourselves.<br />
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4. Looking for Alaska: Reason- "Drugs/Alcohol/Smoking, unsuited for age group/sexually explicit"<br />
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I'm going to let John Green, the author of this <i>award winning </i>novel explain this one to you.<br />
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I could literally go on for days talking about all the books that have been challenged, and how censuring our kids books is not good for their education. As a person going into education, one of my biggest fears is having a parent challenge a book I want to read with my students. I literally am going to have to practice my poker face so I don't explode, because it will inevitably happen some day. The best thing for us to do is have definitive reasons for reading books to children, and show that the lessons they learn through reading these books is far more valuable than if we refuse to let them read a book we disagree with.<br />
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Top 10 list of banned books for 2013:<br />
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<br />Expressive Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15054608074184257084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8208544085921909607.post-57013729531353803622014-09-11T14:43:00.002-07:002014-09-11T14:44:31.871-07:00Shakespeare: In Which I RantSo, I've never been huge on blogging, but lately whenever I have seemingly random (but totally awesome) ideas, I will sit up in bed all night thinking and expanding about them. I needed a place to vent, talk about my thoughts. So here I am!<br />
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Today, I want to talk about Shakespeare.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small; text-align: start;">Super attractive guy, I know.</span></td></tr>
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First off, I know what everyone is thinking. "Ew. Shakespeare? Boring." But I used to be like you too. I remember sitting in my high school desk reading Romeo and Juliet, confused by the language and painstakingly bored. And then I got to college, and I began taking a few Shakespeare courses where my eyes were opened to how awesome Shakespeare can be. And what caused this revelation? Decent teaching.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pretty cool stuff, if you ask me.</td></tr>
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First off, in college they actually taught us how to <i>read</i> Shakespeare properly so that it actually made<br />
sense. You see, in high school they are so worried about iambic pentameter and rhyme schemes that they never slow down and tell you to read it like you would anything else. In high school they teach you to read to the end of a line and then pause. But in reality, you should be reading to the punctuation marks LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE. I think that if someone had actually practiced <i>reading</i> it aloud and showing us how to do it, we wouldn't have hated it so much.<br />
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In high school, they are focussed entirely on reading the text (with the exception of that <i>one</i> Romeo and Juliet movie where they fast forward through the sex scene like it doesn't exist). I have to say, I completely disagree with this. I was able to travel to Stratford and London for three weeks as part of a college course. I was amazed with the Shakespeare shows I saw, and it made me fall in love with reading Shakespeare. If our schools focused on <i>seeing </i>Shakespeare performed, as it was intended to be, then students would be more apt to enjoy and pay attention (especially if they get a cool field trip to the theater out of it).<br />
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Reading the text aloud. I can't tell you how much of a difference this can make. How long does it take to read through an entire Shakespearean play? Like three hours, max? If high school teachers encouraged students to form study groups and read the text aloud, either in class or as homework, then they would 1) enjoy it a lot more since they are interacting with their peers and 2) understand the text a lot more since they can hear the dialogue and not focus on who the characters are. Every Shakespeare class I have taken, I have read some aloud and some to myself. Without fail, the plays we read aloud we understand better, talk about more, and overall enjoy studying more. If high school teachers started doing this at that level, we would have more students comprehending and enjoying Shakespearean texts.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Church where Shakespeare is buried. </td></tr>
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Lastly, censoring the text. Because in high school the teachers usually have a limited amount of time to read and discuss a text, a lot of material gets left out. Usually, the material that must be forgotten is the interesting and controversial stuff. For example, did you know that there is pretty good evidence that Ophelia in <i>Hamlet</i> is pregnant and considering (if not already had) an abortion? Did you know that in <i>Othello, </i>Desdemona's father only has a problem with Othello because he is black and considered "monstrous"? How about the number of sex jokes (specifically oral sex) in <i>Taming of the Shrew</i>? These are the kind of things found in the text that high school teachers leave out, either due to time constraints or fear of retaliation from conservative parents. If we could actually use the deeper themes and motifs found in Shakespeare's plays to talk about the issues surrounding teenagers, their attention would be held a lot longer, and they would be more apt to stay involved in class discussion.<br />
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So that's the end of my rant about Shakespeare. I love Shakespeare, and I really wish other people could have positive experiences with him too. He is hilarious and serious and silly and dramatic all at the same time, and personally I think that is awesome.<br />
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<br />Expressive Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15054608074184257084noreply@blogger.com0